markdowling.com

Ed & I took some time off yesterday & we went to see the new JJ Abrahams film Cloverfield. It was released yesterday here in Australia (17 January), and we caught the 3.10pm session at Noosa 5 Cinema (Noosa Junction).

We were out a bit after 4.30pm. Running time for the film itself was about 85 minutes.

Firstly, the monster is absolutely awesome. It looks like a big (big as in 10 stories tall) louse, and it drops baby lice wherever it goes. And the effects are stunning - the monster looks like it belongs in each frame, and the mayhem it creates as it works its way across Manhattan, getting more and more pissed as it goes (who wouldn’t be pissed, getting shot at like that?) looks totally authentic.

Remember way back when Alien got released, and we were teased with part shots of the Alien before it got fully revealed? Well the Cloverfield monster is just as scary looking, just as “guessed at, only part seen” in the first parts of the film, and about 200x more frightening.

Don’t take young kids - the ones in our session were a bit wide-eyed when they left the cinema.

The plot itself however isn’t about the monster. The monster isn’t explained, it’s just there creating havoc. And this spares us from any banal moralising - no French nuclear test mutations, no Japanese whale hunts, no Hawaiian plastic bag whirlpools.

For me the film was about the reactions of normal people in an abnormal situation. From the cheating boyfriend who suddenly discovers chivalry, to the looters who grab stuff they can’t carry, to mob panic, to hard-arsed military intervention - it’s all portrayed in a way that makes it feel authentic. Behind all this you have a raving mad monster trashing every building it passes and dropping lice babies in the process.

The hand-held camera technique works well. Can make you dizzy, and I had to wonder at the single-mindedness of the guy carrying the camera amongst all the drama (I would’ve dropped the thing & ran the other direction). But it reinforced the immediacy of the situation, and didn’t get in the way of the action at all.

I loved this film. When it comes out, it’s a definite DVD purchase for me. Thumbs up for a great cinema experience!

Here’s one of Terry’s best: 

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, ‘Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?’

The father, surprised, answers, ‘Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s to 40s, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions’.  

‘Onions?’  

‘Yes, you see them and they make you cry.’  

This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said, ‘Mum, how many kinds of ‘willies’ are there?’  

The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, ‘Well dear, a man goes through three phases. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it is like a branch, flexible but reliable. After 50, it is like a Christmas tree’.

‘A Christmas tree?’

‘Yes - dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.’

I have just received this email, warning of a critical Microsoft update. It is a fraud- if you receive it (or anything that looks similar) make sure you delete it and don’t even think about clicking on the embedded link (it’s shown in the following snip, but I’ve removed the link)!

Microsoft Security Bulletin MS06-305
Cumulative Security Update
for Internet Explorer (865877466)

Published: September 9, 2007

Version: 2.0

Summary

Who should read this document: Customers who use Microsoft Windows

Impact of Vulnerability: Remote Code Execution

Maximum Severity Rating: Critical

Recommendation: Customers should apply the update immediately.

Security Update Replacement: This bulletin replaces several prior security updates. See the frequently asked questions (FAQ) section of this bulletin for the complete list.

Internet Explorer for Microsoft Windows XP Service Pack 2 – Download the update

Revisions:

V1.0 (September 9, 2007): Bulletin published

This is another from Terry Murphy:

An Irishman goes for a job at a blacksmiths. The blacksmith asked him, “Have you any experience of shoeing horses?”

“No,” replied the Irishman, “but I once told a donkey to f**k off”!

Over the last few days, we’ve had some incredible weather on the Sunshine Coast. Category 2 winds (120+ km/hr), rain squalls, and massive seas on all beaches.

TV footage shows some excellent surf at Duranbah (Gold Coast) but the only info we had on any of the sunny coast beaches was that ‘almost all were closed on account of the big seas’.

So… some must have been open. And given the size and direction of the swell, I thought Noosa was the one.

I drove to work today via Noosa Heads and then David Low Way (to Coolum). Sure enough there was plenty of action. The usual crowd at the breakwater, looked to be 1.5m, and then all the points were operational (although I didn’t see Granite or Ti Tree, but First Point & carpark had swell so you had to assume the others were working as well).

Here’s the link to coastwatch’s Noosa surfcam (you’ll probably need to refresh). This site also has archived footage over the last few days - looks like right now is the time to get wet.

Here’s another cracker joke from Terry Murphy:

A couple in their thirties went to a sex therapist’s office in Brisbane.

The doctor asked, “What can I do for you?”

The man said, “Will you watch us have sex?”

The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed.

When the couple had finished, the doctor said, “There’s nothing wrong with the way you have sex,” and charged them $50.

This happened several weeks in a row.

The couple would make an appointment, have sex with no problems, pay the doctor, and then leave.

Finally the doctor asked, “Just exactly what are you trying to find out?”

The man said, “We’re not trying to find out anything. She’s married and we can’t go to her house. I’m married and we can’t go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $90. The Hilton charges $170. We do it here for $50 and I get $43 back from Medicare.”

Now that I’ve had my Nokia 6110 for a few days, I’ve been able to try out a few more of the GPS functions. Here are my impressions.

1. It’s a little slow to actually pick up its position when the Navigator application is started. This morning I mounted it in its dash-mounted holder, and it took the drive our of the garage and a few hundred metres up the road before it decided where it was. If I didn’t know where I was going, that’s long enough to get totally screwed with multi-lane roads and no-right-turn limits.
2. The map software, by UK company Route 66, is hopelessly incorrect. It tells me to turn right when there’s no road, there are multi-lane roads that aren’t in the software, and fully half the roundabouts in the Noosa area are either not there or incorrect the the number or entry-exit roads. Just not good enough!!
3. The search function is crap. To try and navigate to an address you have to make a general-enough entry to bring up a list of alternatives, and then scroll through obvious wrong entries to (hopefully) come up with the street/ suburb you want.
4. Some very basic landmarks are missing. Like Maroochy Airport. And the University of the Sunshine Coast.

But it’s not all bad, despite the above limiting the effectiveness of the 6110.

1. The route selection software is fast and adapts well to wrong turns (or, in my case, travelling along unknown roads and taking unknown turns at roundabouts).
2. Indication of upcoming exits, intersections and roundabouts is great. Plenty of warning, and it even tells you what the signs read so you don’t go wrong.
3. The amount of voice prompts is right. Doesn’t bug you every few seconds, just when you’re coming up to some intersection or decision point.
4. The display is great, despite the small-screen format of the 6110. It’s clear and easy to take in at a glance.

So there you have it. It’s good, and perhaps in some big cities it’s great. But in my little corner of the world it’s not good enough to rely on.

I checked the Route 66 website this morning and the map that’s provided with the phone, dated 4th quarter 2006, has not been updated. I guess the problems I have with the unit could be 100% fixed with correct and current map software, but that’s not an option right now.

Here’s something else I did today.

After the big desert trip through July, I wanted to put the original wheels back on the Landy with tyres that actually had some tread. The original wheels are 18″ x 8″ wide, and the choice of tyres to fit is a little limited compared to other sizes. Originals are 255/55R18 Goodyear Wrangler HPs, which have been reasonably good on both the blacktop and Fraser Island but at $430 a corner seemed overpriced.

After a bit of research I settled on Cooper Zeon XSTs. Rang Mark Prosser from Bridgestone Tyre Centre at Noosaville yesterday afternoon and they were in for fitment this morning.

Why Coopers? I’ve had good experiences with them. On the old Landy (Will drives this now) I fitted Cooper Discoverer ATR’s to the front. They were much, much better than the original Michelins. Quieter, softer ride, and worked really well in the wet (although I don’t drive hard so take that with a grain of salt). Then, on the desert trip, I fitted Cooper ST’s all round on Range Rover (P38) 16″ x 8″ rims (255/70R16). They worked brilliantly, although the Plenty Highway destroyed one.

So in all, Cooper equals goodness in my experience. I know that’s not everyone’s experience with them - check the forums - but I haven’t had problems.

The Zeons are so quiet compared to the ST’s. Of course I’d be pretty pissed if they weren’t given the difference in tread pattern and intended use, but after 9,000 kilometres on the ST’s it’s sorta noticeable. They are much sharper in they way they tackle Noosa’s 1,001 roundabouts and they give a firmer ride, even better than the Goodyears.

The Zeons are rated for 100% road and sand. Don;t see this as a problem, as most of our offroad driving is Fraser Island or Noosa North Shore. If we ever hit the dirt west of the ranges, I’ll just throw the second set of wheels on. The ST’s have lots of life left.

Price? The Zeons were $378 fitted, a good saving over the Goodyears.  One potential downside is they are unidirectional, so having a spare can be problematic. I stuck with the original Goodyear spare (which has never been used), and hope never to use it.

This is one of those cases where I got pressured into agreeing to a phone update.

Here’s what happened.

Youngest son Edward decided he wanted my (old) Motorola A1000 more than his aging LGU880 handset. I knew the A1000 was a brick and slow as a wet week, so I gladly acquiesced - we swapped SIM cards and all was sweet. However it didn’t take him long to tire of the A1000 and, being aware of such things, found that Three Mobile would give him a new phone for no money. He chose the Nokia N73 (which looks like a damn fine phone) and now he’s happy as.

Meanwhile, I was stuck with the functional but dull LG handset. One call to Three saw me sign up to receive the new 6110 and I also upgraded my NetConnect card to the newer HSDPA-capable card. Also for zero dollars.

Both arrived by courier today. haven’t tried the NetConnect card, so I’ll save that for another post. But the 6110 is currently being charged and the few calls I’ve had so far are amazingly clear. The unit itself is smaller than I thought, and being inside a metal building I haven’t been able to connect to the GPS network to try its positioning capabilities. The menu structure is a bit overwhelming but I put that down to unfamiliarity with the Nokia way of doing things - very different from LG/ Motorola/ Sony Ericsson, which are my last few phones.

I’ll repost about the 6110 in a few weeks, when I’ve gone through it all.

This comes to you courtesy of my buddy Terry Murphy:

A very loud, unattractive, hard-faced woman walks into Tesco with her two kids in tow, screaming obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.

The door greeter says, “Good morning and welcome to Tesco, nice children you’ve got there. Are they twins?”

The fat ugly woman stops screaming long enough to snarl:

“Of course they bloody aren’t! The oldest is nine and the youngest is seven. Why the hell would you think they’re twins? Do you really think they look alike, you dickhead?”

Absolutely not,” replies the greeter,

I just can’t believe anyone would shag you twice!”